PMH 76 | Intention Setting


Moods impact our thoughts and behavior, so it’s no surprise that our moods also play a CRITICAL role when setting intentions. In this episode, we talk about being in the correct headspace when crafting your intention and provide further assistance on setting your 2022 intentions in the form of powerful questions.

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How Your Mood Influences Your Intention Setting

In this episode, you will get further assistance on setting your 2022 intentions in the form of powerful questions.

Melissa, do you want to tell me again about the thing that Vince was telling you that you can do on Spotify?

I got this text message from Vince letting me know that Spotify now allows you to rate podcasts. In addition to informing me of this, he also mentioned that he was the first one to give us a review.

That review was a five-star.

If you enjoy our show on Spotify, we would like to invite you to rate our show with five stars.

Five stars is what we would like. It helps us as we move forward into 2022 and be able to start working with additional sponsors and different things that we could bring on. That way we could start getting a little bit of that money. It helps us and we’ve got some big goals with the show, and the things that we’re doing in this space. It would be super helpful if you did that. Thank you to Vince for alerting us of this and for giving us that amazing review. Welcome to 2022.

Happy New Year to you all.

Happy New Year. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. Did you have a good holiday?

It was uneventful, so I’m going to say, yes, it was a wonderful holiday. How about you?

I would say it was nice. There were days when I was doing too much, and there were days when I was not doing anything.

I feel that’s called life.

Yes, but this time it was also trickled in with seeing family and also having to put on a bra and all these things.

That’s the worst.

It was bad.

I can’t tell you what’s worse than talking with parents or engaging with parents about wearing a bra. They’re pretty tied.

Since we are in this new year, or at least this episode is, we wanted to take the time to revisit the intentions that we had talked about in early December. Did you get a chance to ponder on your intentions for 2022?

I did ponder a little bit more. What I enjoyed about this is my sister Jessica, who is also tuning in to the show, she was asking me, “When you come out here to visit me and the kids, can we talk a little bit more about my intention? I have an idea of what I want, but maybe you can help me flush it out.” It was perfect because when we recorded the intention episode, I had an idea of what I wanted but that nurture, being my word for 2021, I didn’t know how to move on from that. We sat down and talked a lot. I’m still ironing it out. Have you come up with yours?

We’ve touched on it a little bit by reading a lot. I did make my goal of 100 books in 2021. It was touch and go there for a moment.

I was on standby.

I did a lot of reading so there’s a part of me that wants to just be, and this came through in coaching and I talked about it on the episode as well. I want to be valued for being a person and for existing. I know logically, that’s something that gets talked about a lot in self-help circles and other things. I’m working on this idea right now. Part of me wants to have my intention just to be, and not anything to do with labels or expectations and seeing how things go. However, there’s this other part of me that’s emerging that’s talking about how I can be and also, what that means in the system that I’m in.

When you say system, what do you mean by that?

I mean all of the different settings in my friend group or in my work setting, and all the things there, and in that community. Part of it is I don’t want to be so focused on my being and myself that I am neglecting or ignorant of the world around me. It’s a struggle that I’m seeing where the focus is. You need to know yourself. You can only control your thoughts. You can only do those things, and there’s power in being able to take care of yourself and putting on your oxygen mask. It’s all of those things that we’ve talked about.

There's power in being able to take care of yourself and putting on your oxygen mask. Click To Tweet

There’s power in that, but also realizing that I do have an impact that’s greater than myself. How is that going to impact me and others around me? As much as I want to just be and be focused on the present moment, there are things that impact others and different systems beyond myself. It’s this struggle of being more aware of what’s coming to the surface right now. It’s like, “I want to be but I also want to be aware.”

The one that I was settling on for myself is me. When we spoke about intentions previously, I talked about how Vince, my husband, was saying, “I wish you would take care of yourself a little bit more.” Self-care has been lacking for me in 2021. His answer was so heartfelt. I wrote it down and it’s been sitting with me. I was like, “He’s right. I have been neglecting myself. I’m also a huge people pleaser.” I’ve always put people’s needs before my own. That includes my career, staying in places too long, and engaging in relationships that should have died a long time ago.

I had this word me. I remember you and I had gone out to coffee. I was working this out with you and you’re like, “What’s wrong with the word me?” I said, “It doesn’t evoke action for me.” Why I enjoyed the word nurture so much because it was an adjective. I’m doing something. It’s an action statement. In and of itself, it’s provoking action. I love the question that you posed to me, which is, “What would living into my intention give me?” I wrote it down because it was so powerful.

It was a powerful question and it was an inquiry so that way you could ponder and think on it. Did you do that?

I did and I was torn. The question was, “What would living into my intention give me?” I would say that for me, it came with peace. I don’t know why that surfaced for me. When we’re speaking about moods and stuff, I’ve mentioned I experienced seasonal depression and this year was no different. I’ve been in this funk. Focusing on me, I wouldn’t say bring me joy, but I feel better about myself. It’s like I want to increase my self-love.

It’s because you’re getting at the root of the why and what it is that’s going to be driving you to have this more at the forefront of your mind. It is a great point that you bring up about mood though because just like nutritionists are going to tell you, “Don’t go to the store hungry because then you’re going to buy all the things or you’re going to make poor choices,” it’s the same thing with setting your mood intention. Setting your intention, make sure that you’re in the right head space and mood to do so.

PMH 76 | Intention Setting
Intention Setting: With setting your intention, make sure that you’re in the right headspace and mood to do so.


Part of it for me has been that I have been in a real funk for the last couple of weeks. As some of you guys know, my Instagram got hacked. I’ve been trying to get that re-hacked and then getting it shut down. It’s been this giant fucking cluster fuck. Where I’m at in my legal career, that has impacted my mood. I got to all these things. When I was thinking about what I wanted to do, it was like I just want to be. It came from this place of I don’t want to say being totally down. I don’t think it was the bottom-bottom, but it was definitely in the lower bell curve area of myself.

It was definitely in the lower loop of I just want to be. There’s this sense of almost being exhausted. It’s like, “I don’t want to do all of the things. I don’t want to feed into these expectations.” I’m not necessarily anti-hustle culture. It’s got a couple of different connotations. I just want to be. I want to flow from that space. That’s where it has been coming from. Had I done this when I was on an upswing, my intentions for 2022 could have been monetary. It could have been more of the goals and lists of things that we’d talked about before.

I would’ve been in a different space where it would be more action-oriented, and I’m not in that space right now. The point is when you set your intentions, do so when you’re in a good head space. I’m not sure I was in the best head space when I was setting this, but it keeps coming back over and over again even when I am in a good head space of I just want to be.

I don’t even know. What is a good head space? That’s all subjective, but I also think because we talk about being in a funk from time to time, that’s natural. I don’t know if we’re ever going to escape that, but even when you’re at your low or when you’re experiencing discomfort or an uncomfortable situation frequently, it’s like, “What do I want more of in this next year?” For me, I want more time for myself and to make myself a priority. That is what’s surfacing for me right now, but do you think that you can only have one intention? I know you have to be and then you’re like, “Be aware.”

I don’t think you can have one intention. The main thing is with the word priority. I’m going to go on a capitalist rage. It is one of those words that we have diminished the actual value. You can only have one priority, but in the society that we live in now, it’ll be like, “You have these priorities,” and they’ve made it plural. That’s not how that word works. There can only be one priority that’s at the very top. Everything else is going to come behind it. When I’m hearing you talk about you being a priority, I’m hearing you being at the top of your list as the filter.

It’s being numero uno.

That self-orientation is perfect for you right now if that’s what is resonating.

I’m struggling with the fact that it’s not an action statement, and maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m all-encompassing and that’s got to be what it is. Am I being put first in this situation? Is this an activity I want to engage in? It’s making I and me statements before I engage in certain activities, ensuring that I am the focus.

I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. That it’s a good place for you to start generating more of that self-love and self-compassion of, “I’m not feeling this. I don’t want to get together with everybody this weekend. I don’t want to go do that event,” or whatever it is. If that’s a way for you to put yourself at the forefront, I’m all for it.

Thank you. I want to throw the question to you that you pose back at me, which is, what would living into your intention of being or being aware give you?

What it would give me is permission to exist and have value in existing. I know that sounds super woo-woo and a little existential, but you don’t expect children to do anything. You expect them to be children. It’s the same thing with your dog. You don’t expect your dog to run 100 laps every single day. Haley gets to be Haley. We have a bunch of cactuses. I’m not like, “You’re a bad cactus because you didn’t produce a flower this year.”

It almost sounds like removing or stripping yourself of expectations that maybe you hold of yourself or that others hold of you.

It’s a little bit of both. It’s having that, but it feels like a difficult thing to accomplish. There’s another part of me that’s like it’s not about accomplishing. It’s about being because that’s part of the problem that we have. It is that everything has to have a purpose or meaning. It’s like, “What did you do this day?” It’s like, “I lived. I breathed air. I ate. I took myself out for a walk. I moved.” All of those things are valid.

It's not about accomplishing, it's about being. Click To Tweet

In our American society, we do not allow space for that because it’s like, “What do you mean you didn’t do that?” It wasn’t the right kind of thing to do. If I cleaned the house on a Monday, Matt’s like, “You had other things that were more important to do.” “I disagree. I think cleaning the house on a Monday was exactly what I needed to do.” Also, being okay with being in that space but it’s very hard when we’re in this culture that values you based on your production and what you’re showing off what you’re doing as opposed to, “I’m being.” There’s even a small part of me that’s like, “What if I’m being and I stop reading for a little bit?” I don’t know that I can do that.

You make an excellent point about being and self-care. It’s funny that ours are somewhat similar. I feel like yours is being in the space and allowing yourself to be. I know that does sound woo-woo. Mine feels a little bit more like elevating myself in terms of care because I do prioritize almost everything above myself. I’m changing that for me.

You were talking about having a day where you do nothing. I know we talked about this a little bit in that self-orientation episode. It’s okay to not do anything, yet we feel like a piece of shit or we feel lazy for not doing anything. As you said in the American culture, Americans or humans are a means to create money or a means to produce something. Even if you look at the mental health system, that’s not included in most insurance plans. That’s unfortunate because the entire person needs to be healthy.

The entire person needs to be healthy but you are also valuable because you’re valuable. It’s not because you can do great things. It’s not because you have great potential. It’s not because you make beautiful desserts. It’s not because you make the most amazing cross-stitch patterns on the whole planet. How are you going to have any curiosity if you just have to do all the things?

PMH 76 | Intention Setting
Intention Setting: You are valuable because you are valuable, period.


That’s what it is. It’s stepping away from doing. I wish I could verbalize it in something different that doesn’t potentially sound off-putting with it being but it’s just, “I’m valuable because I’m on this planet doing the things that I want to be doing,” and that it has value. Sometimes if there isn’t enough production to it, “Did that bring you money? Did that do this?” It’s like, “No. It just brought me joy or peace or laughter.”

Those things are super important that have been overlooked. Being in this space and having read a lot about different things, including capitalism and the work structure, all of these different things have influenced my intention and the moods that I’m in all the time. It is something that I want to play with it and not set anything in stone.

That’s what I love about the intention. Usually, when we’re setting resolutions, it’s like, “I want to lose 20 pounds, or I want to go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week.” That’s what we set our success on, but it’s how you feel. That’s even more important than, “Did I go to the gym five days this week?” Spoiler, I did not, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be a healthy person. It doesn’t mean that I’m not happy with what I’m doing.

What I like about what we’re doing here now and what I hope our audience can take away with is how important it is to even speak your intention with a friend or with someone that you trust to not only necessarily hold you accountable, but sometimes our friends know us better than we know ourselves. You keep bringing this up a lot, “Might you consider that maybe it’s prioritizing your self-care or self-compassion.” Maybe that’s my word. It wouldn’t have surfaced had I not had this conversation with you. If you have a few ideas or intentions that you are maybe stuck between, sit down with a friend over a cup of coffee or tea or a glass of wine. Sit down and ask yourself these questions with one another and see what your friend thinks.

One more time for the audience. What’s the question?

There are a few and you can find these on our Instagram. We created an Instagram post. Some of the questions if you’re wanting to sit down with a friend, the first is, “What is most important to you and why?” The second is, “What would I like more of in my life?” The third is, “What would living into your intention give you?”

Those are the questions. You know where to find them. Go ahead and do those things and let us know how your intention setting is going. We will certainly keep you updated on how we’re doing with all things. I love that you get to be me and I get to be.


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